Floaty Checks In.........

I gave the boys the last few days off after our trip to Jersey. Pope Vinny, Bloaty, and Guido the Snitch will be on hiatus until next week sometime.

In the meantime, with all the news surrounding Michael Jackson's death I went to my "go to guy" Floaty for an update.

Yo, your Floatness, what can you tell us that we already don't know?



"Hiya Mike, nice to be doing something other than heavy yard work."

Yeah it is Floaty. By the way, thanks for the help up there in the Garden State.




"No prob. I've got an inside scoop on some of the latest Michael Jackson news."

Dish for us.



"As you know, the memorial service will be this week."

Yeah, and?



"Well it turns out Michael Jackson actually had THREE wives."

Three?



"Yeah, and only two of them will be invited."

Well I had heard the British nanny "mommy" was personna non gratis.



"Yeah, she's out. Lisa Marie is expected to attend, but so is the other one."

Who is she?



"Its not she, its a he."

You're bullshitting me, right?



"Not a chance ATM."

So..........Fuck. I can't even fathom a guess. Who is it?



"It is *Bubbles*."

*Bubbles* the chimp?



"Yeah, and he's here to promote his new book telling the sordid tale of life with Michael Jackson inside "Neverland"."



"Haaaaaaaaay Mr. Mike."

Yo Bubbles, nice to meet you.



"Fabulous to meet you too."

So how are you in light of your, er..........., husband's death?



"I'm faaaaabulous."

So you were secretly wed to the "Gloved One"? Couldn't have seen that one coming.



"We kept it our little secret."

Obviously. Did the family or anyone close know?



"Well, Mither and Mithus Jackson were not thrilled, especially with their religious beliefs."

I'll bet.



"But as long as there was Latoya out there acting all odd, I gained quick acceptance."

Well that explains a lot. You guys were all over the news for some time.



"We WERE!!!!!!!!!!!."

And that would make Gary Coleman, the kid from "Webster", and the Culkin kid?



"A big charade to throw everybody off."

Sick, but fairly brilliant. Whose idea was it?



"Mine, silly."

What else can you tell us?



"You'll have to buy my book to find out."

I guess that's the way it plays out with "tell all's" these days.



"Of course."

When does it go on sale?



"Right inside the arena during the memorial."

Wow! That's some ballsy marketing.



"Someone's gotta strike first. Since he left me out of the will, I'm drawing first blood. I hope everyone likes the title."



I'm sure it will garner some attention. Well, thanks for stopping by Bubbles. Best of luck wit the book and, of course, our condolences on your loss.



"Thank you soooooooo much Mithter Air Traffic Mike."

Damn, Floaty. I think the chimp might have been more normal than the departed.



"Sad, isn't it."

Yeah.



"Anything else for me?."

Nah Floaty, let's call it a day. I'm making dinner for my brother and his family. Besides, you've been busting ass. Take the rest of the trip off.



"Thanks Mike."

Once again the "Air Traffic Mike World Tour 2009" winds up back in Memphis on Thursday or so. Nice to be back, with a special shout out to Mandy at MandyLand for trying to catch up with me on the road.

I'll endeavor to do better next time. Keep us informed as to what sort of beer we need to ship out for the post partum party.

Later taters, time to make some fresh fruit cobblers.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.