Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Next Time, Don't Take The Lowest Bid

The irony is just dripping off this event.

Then again, it could just be all the melting Styrofoam.



Normally I'd hand this topic off to the gang at Air Traffic Mike Heavy Industries, LLC. (the official social think tank of Air Traffic Mike).

Unfortunately, they are all on Summer vacation.

Fortunately, I do have a guest commentator here as a Summer intern:


Rhondo the Wonder Idiot

I've asked Rhondo to give his take on this tragedy.


"Hey Mike, can I bum a smoke?"

Sorry Rhondo, I don't smoke.


"Shit."

Quit your begging and get on with your report Rhondo.


"Maybe they should call the wreckage *Torchdown Jesus*."

Ouch. So what's your take on this Rhondo?


"Well Mike, the way I see it, this whole tragedy could have been avoided."

Really?


"Absolutely."

How do you figure? It got hit by lightning. The accepted terminology is, "Act of God".


"I know. God is partially to blame for this."

He nailed it with a bolt of lightning. How do you come up with "partially"?


"Let's face it, it was a pretty disturbing statue of the old boy."

Okay, I'll spot you that one.


"Even setting that aside, they used fiberglass and styrofoam to make it from."

So?


"So do you think this would even be a topic of discussion if they had made it out of bronze or something non-flammable?"

Probably not.


"Of course not. There would have been a flash of light, a loud boom, maybe a little scorch mark, and maybe a noise that sounded like a big bell just got shot by a howitzer."

So you're saying God zapped it because he was offended by the cheap cost of construction?


"God hates cheap. Just ask all those televangelists driving limos and flying in private jets. It probably isn't the first time God's waxed a bad icon. It was a very disturbing representation."

How so?


"Look at it."




"He's chest deep in water. He looks more like a victim of a shipwreck than the son of God."

Hmmm, never thought of that Rhondo.


"One could even make the argument that he looks more like a tourist at a Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans."

It did have a "Throw me something Mister" quality about it. Any chance we'll see the likes of this again?


"I'm sure the church will rebuild it. I just hope they use more fire resistant materials this time around."

What if they use the same materials?


"I'm prepared offer up my services as a fire supression consultant."

"Fire Supression Consultant"?


"Yep."

What qualifies you as a "Fire Supression Consultant"?


"I'm a specialist in the "Urinary Services" field. I've got a couple of years of experience."

True. By the way, one more "crime against flooring" and you'll be taking your act on the road.


"I'm willing to suffer for my art."

It's all about choices Rhondo. Got anything else for me?


"Mike, can I borrow twenty bucks until payday?"

Rhondo, you're an intern. You get paid in work related experience.


"Need a "Fire Supression Consultant?"

No.


"I wouldn't be so sure."

*door closes*

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

2 comments:

Otto said...

He did say "no graven images". Looks like he meant it.

Otto said...

Bet it takes longer than three days for him to be resurrected.