"...Has To Be Focused On The Job At Hand."

The eyes of the nation have been fixed on Wisconsin over the last month. The battle there over worker's rights is far from over. The difference is now that the Legislative and Executive branches have finished their "work", the ball has bounced into the Judicial Branch.

If you thought the public debate over the issues there was entertaining, wait until the Governor starts tangling with the courts.

Our good friend Governor Chris "Doughboy" Christie of New Jersey can tell Governor Walker of Wisconsin all about it. He's really got himself in some deep kimchee over school funding and taxes. Even one of his friends in the press is questioning "The Flubbernor's" methods.

Well, that's just the way it goes in politics. No one person is big enough to control the "game" no matter how hard they try. Our system of "checks and balances" is designed to make unilateral decisions almost impossible.

You'd have thought that the "Round Mound of Scorched Ground" would have learned this when the state Assembly President Stephen Sweeney refused to hold confirmation hearings on Christie's hand picked selection to the New Jersey Supreme Court. In a follow up article days later, Governor Christie was confident that the Democrat held Assembly would "blink first" in the matter and that he'd eventually get his way.

It's been nearly a year now.

He's still waiting.

I sure hope his nominee, Anne Patterson, didn't give up her day job.

What's her day job?

She works at the law firm of Riker Danzig in lovely Morristown, New Jersey. Riker Danzig is a large law firm that isn't bashful about being one of New Jersey's "TOP LOBBYING FIRMS".

Their words, not mine.

By the way, is it just me or does it look like someone forgot to tell Anne she was going to have her picture taken that day?

That's some scary hair, even for an attorney.

She must be using the same hair stylist as Larry Fine from the Three Stooges:



Speaking of unilateral decisions in government, let's take a look up north.

In keeping with the latest trend in unilateral government, up in Augusta, Maine, Governor Paul LaPage is hard at work.

You remember Governor LePage, right? He's the fellow that "stood up" to the NAACP over why he wouldn't be attending their Martin Luther King Day celebration. He cited "scheduling conflicts" in his defense and hastily pointed out that his adopted son is black.

Way to hide behind the kid Governor.

Suddenly, after receiving a lot of criticism, he remarkably found the time to attend a breakfast honoring the late Dr. King.

He sort of dropped off the national radar after that. After all, Maine is to America what Newfoundland is to Canada. Full of moose and forgotten.

Fear not though, the good Governor is hard at work.

He's taken on the roll of "art critic". Not wanting business lobbyists to feel unwanted, he ordered the state Department of Labor to remove a mural depicting among other things that paragon of evil, Cesar Chavez and the subversive Frances Perkins, a native daughter of Maine and the first woman appointed to the U.S. Cabinet. She served as Secretary of Labor for the entirety of F.D.R.'s terms in office.

Apparently the Governor was too busy to talk to the Press, so he issued a statement through his Press Secretary:

"The mural has been removed and is in storage awaiting relocation to a more appropriate venue," said LePage press secretary Adrienne Bennett in a prepared statement. "We understand that not everyone agrees with this decision, but the Maine Department of Labor has to be focused on the job at hand."

Focused at the job on hand?

Wow, that mural must have a lot of evil powers if it is distracting the otherwise hard working state employees in the building. It must have been quite shocking for the Governor to stop by and see the entire staff standing there, slack jawed and drooling in front of that painting.

Thank God for Governor LePage's courage and convictions. Someone could have been rendered a drooling zombie by the thing.

Here, see for yourself:

WARNING!!!!!! THE FOLLOWING PICTURE MAY CAUSE SLACK JAWED STARING OFF INTO SPACE AND UNCONTROLLABLE DROOLING!!! IF YOU FIND YOURSELF UNABLE TO FOCUS ON THE JOB AT HAND, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE CLOSE YOUR BROWSER WINDOW IMMEDIATELY AND SEEK MEDICAL CARE!!!!!!!*
*Air Traffic Mike assumes no responsibility for damages brought on by trance like states or injuries incurred thereof. - ATMHI, LLC.


No wonder the poor Governor is afraid.

That's a work stopper if ever I saw one.

Wonder what he'll replace the mural with?

Maybe he can get Sarah Palin to come visit and ice one of these for mounting:


I just hope she gets a hunting license this time.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

A Chip Off The Old Block

In hindsight I probably should have eaten the block.

Last weekend I decided to stop by a new neighborhood store. It's been open for a while, but since I had just returned it was new to me.

City Market fits squarely into a niche I have for certain groceries and food needs. They have fresh meats, fresh produce, beer, a great deli with a fine selection of meats and cheeses to choose from, good breads, and of course chips and snacks.

I loaded up on some deli sliced corned beef, peppered turkey, Swiss cheese, pepper jack cheese, and a 12 pack of beer.

I was next in line when I realised I had forgotten one of the most important food groups when it came to cold cut sandwiches.

I'd forgotten potato chips.

*gasp*

A cold cut sandwich without potato chips is like sledding without snow. I doesn't go anywhere.

I set my groceries down and walked over to the chip section. They had my favorites in stock, those being the Zapp's line of potato chips. The company formed in Gramercy, Louisiana back in the days of my working at New Orleans International Airport. You can read about their history here.

I picked up three bags of their chips, two Mesquite BBQ, and one Spicy Cajun Craw-Tator. As I was heading back to my groceries to begin the check out process I passed a section of Brim's potato chips. Brim's is a Memphis area company making various snack foods.

I stopped to see what they had to offer. I am a potato chip snob, having been a loyal Zapp's customer since the 1980's, but I am a big fan of most anything Memphis. "Why not try a bag of theirs for comparison?", I thought.

Right at eye level, one line stood out. "Memphis Style BBQ Rib Chips" was emblazoned across the bag.

I had never seen this flavor of chip in the Brim's line. It's not even featured on their website.

In hindsight, maybe there's a reason.

I took the bundle of chips to the register, paid the owner, and trundled smartly back to my condo with my cache of goodies in tow.

The next day around noon I decided it would be a good time to try out the corned beef with some of the marbled rye bread I had purchased the night before. I grabbed roughly a quarter pound of corn beef, three slices of magnificent Swiss cheese, set it on the bread, and topped it with good coarse ground brown mustard.

It was a masterpiece of a sandwich.

I reached for the chips and grabbed the Brim's BBQ Rib chips first. "What the Hell?", I said to myself. I figured I'd give the "home team" chip a shot right up front.

Sitting down, big glass of iced tea and sandwich at hand, I opened up the bag.

I cautiously gave them a whiff.

Up front they had a strong BBQ aroma to them. Stronger than a normal BBQ chip, but hey, Memphis BBQ has a strong aroma itself. It's slow cooked over woods like hickory and oak.

I poured some out on my plate. They had a nice color. Sort of like that reddish brown color one would associate with BBQ'd ribs.

After a couple bites of my sandwich, my attention returned to the chips. I grabbed a couple, put them in my mouth, and started to chew.

And that's when the fight broke out.

They were a little sweet, a little spicy, a little smoky, and a little something else I couldn't initially identify.

All I knew was that whatever that unidentifiable flavor was, was really REALLY horrible.

The pleasant flavor of the corned beef sandwich was immediately gone and gone for good.

Iced tea couldn't wash the taste out of my mouth.

I quickly rolled up the top of the bag and clipped it off to keep that smell from entering the room any more.

I muttered a quiet "Uggghhhh" as I made a "sour milk" face. They were not anything like I expected them to be.

The chips stayed on the plate for the rest of my sandwich. Fortunately the kosher dill pickle had enough acidity to clear the offending flavor out of my mouth.

I wouldn't open the chips up again until two days later.

You see, I am a foodie at heart. I love food and everything about it in most cases. I was curious as to what that unknown flavor was and was determined to try and identify it.

"CSI Snack Food" was now on the air.

I picked up the bag and read the ingredients list for a clue.

No luck. Like most food producers, the ingredients are a trade secret when it comes to flavorings. I reread the list again going over each seasoning carefully. The label read:
"Ingredients: Potatoes, Vegetable Oil(Corn and/or Cottonseed), Sugar, Natural Flavoring, Salt, Onion Powder, Tomato Powder, Spice and Coloring(Contains Paprika), Monosodium Glutimate, Maltodextrin, Hydrolyzed Soybean Protein, Silicon Dioxide, Spice and Herb, Disodium Guanylate, Disodium Inosinate".

It read more like a chemistry assignment than potato chip recipe.

I kept looking at the ingredient list. Nothing stood out. I would have to do it "old school" and take one for the team.

Now armed with a cold 16 PBR, the lab was open. I opened the bag and put some chips on a napkin. I could smell the offensive odor. This was not going to be good.

I picked up a medium sized chip and placed it in my mouth.

Fighting the urge to chug the beer I slowly and painfully chewed up the chip. The "missing flavor" had a sharp, almost aromatic quality to it. It wasn't a smoky flavor, the smoky part was pretty good. Whatever it was still overpowered what might actually be a decent tasting chip.

However, I couldn't take it any more. I chugged the PBR in record time.

It was at the end of the PBR that I realized what that God awful taste was.

Somehow, some way, by mixing the specs all together they had replicated a flavor that every person who has ever been at a cookout has tasted.

Lighter fluid.

The damned chips had a lighter fluid taste to them.

You know, just the way your burgers tasted that one time when crazy, drunk Uncle Bill didn't wait for the charcoal to turn grey. The "45 minute cheeseburger" as a good friend of mine(and charcoal grill Ninja) calls it.

In order to confirm my findings I had to do one more taste test.

The second can of beer went down faster than the first.

Irritating taste confirmed: Lighter fluid.

Now I don't think for one second that Brim's puts lighter fluid or food grade lighter fluid flavorings into the chips. I'm not sure anyone even makes food grade lighter fluid flavorings. I do think it is an unfortunate coincidence.

Very unfortunate.

I"ll not take any more chances on any of Brim's off the wall flavor potato chips.

Think I'll just stick with good old Zapp's.

NOTE TO BRIM"S: Please don't ever use this "Memphis BBQ Rib" seasoning on your pork rinds. Your pork rinds rule! -ATM

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

Spring Thaw

Thank God, too.

Upon my return to Memphis I was greeted by the surest signs of Spring, both en route and upon my arrival.

Just south of the Virginia/North Carolina border on I-85 my eyes started to water and itch. It didn't take long to see one of my favorite nemeses flowering on the side of the road. A large patch of Bradford Pear trees was in full bloom by the side of the highway.

Bradford Pear trees are common and scattered all across the South.

I love their white flowers, they just don't like me.

A few miles later I saw the distinct yellow flowers of Forsythia bushes. They remind me of home. My parents planted one next to what was then a new concrete porch in 1969. I always liked that plant. It looked good in bloom. The blooms also meant that Spring had arrived in South Jersey.

While I was home I drove by my folks old house. The Forsythia bush is still there.

My seasonal allergies didn't really start until I was in my 20's. Since then, they've been on a roll.

I find them to be a minor inconvenience. One allergy tablet a day in season provides enough relief most of the time.

As I made my way into Memphis via the interstate, I noticed the water levels on a couple of the Mississippi River's tributaries. They were high. Not as high as in some previous years, but high none the less.

For those who have never been down by the Mississippi River as the snow from up north melts here's a couple facts:

1) It's a bit noisy.

2) The current is really fast.

3) It's incredibly dangerous.

I'm lucky to have a very large riverfront park around the corner. Last Sunday before "Sunday FunDay" officially started, I took the opportunity to walk down to the park and get some pictures.

The first thing I noticed was the far sided of the river. It had breached the Arkansas shoreline and flooded the fields over there. That's not terribly upsetting seeing that nobody lives over in those fields. Besides, that's how all that dirt got over there.

I started south towards the main part of the park.

A tug pushing a large cache of empty barges was slowly making its way north.


I mean, really slowly.

Notice two things in that picture. First, that little wall around the flag poles is a flood wall that is normally well above the river's surface. The other thing is the tree line behind the tug. That's normally the river's west bank.


This area is normally used as a parking lot. Not so much right now. The stones you see are old ballast stones from the days of the steam wheelers that bought cotton into and out of Memphis.


This picture was taken five minutes after the first photo. That's all the further they had gone.


Here's a look at what someday will be part of Tom Lee Park, a water landing, and a boat ramp. Currently, the American Queen and Mississippi Queen are not running. The Delta Queen, forced into retirement by law, is "hugging a stump" (river speak for "tied up") out in eastern Tennessee. The American Queen is laid up in Louisiana. Sadly, the Mississippi Queen has been sold for scrap and is (as of March 24, 2011) waiting to be cut up.

Anybody want to buy a boat ramp cheap?


Meanwhile, "Shovey the Tug Boat" and crew continued their struggle upriver.

It ended up being a pretty warm week, even for Memphis this time of year.

That came to an abrupt end yesterday. It's back in the 40's, with rain and winds.

However, that's the way it is in early Spring.

It's also the only one were going to get this year.

Good enough for me.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

It's Not Like It's A Slow News Day

Except over at www.foxnews.com.

Really?

This is one of your top four "Fair and Balanced" news reports?

A whine about the code name of the limited mission in Libya?

What a bunch of tools.

I suppose their next "Breaking News" will be Sarah Palin's triumphant return to the United States with her new found wealth of foreign policy she picked up in Israel.

Especially on her aborted trip to Bethlehem.

I guess she was put out because Jesus didn't come back from above to anoint her.

Actually, I think this pretty much sums it up:

"The oversight could prove embarrassing for Mrs Palin's advisers, who are unused to planning for foreign visits and have a reputation for being poorly organised."
--- Adrian Blomfield, 21 Mar 2011 The Telegraph



Apparently she must have thought that her mere presence was enough notice.

If ever a potential candidate was in need of "shiny object" therapy, it's her.

Remarkably, her employers at Fox News actually sort of glossed the aborted visit over but gave major coverage to Bill Maher saying what a lot of people are thinking about her.



I'm taking a neutral position on Mr. Maher's choice of words.

It's a free country.

Besides, the part about Palin vs. tsunamis was pretty damn funny.

What was even funnier was Fox News attacking the National Organization of Women for not condemning Maher's statement right away.

Now rumors are circulating that Fox is thinking about not renewing their biggest comedy star.

Here's a review of his most recent work.

Maybe they can rerun some "Simpson's" episodes in his place.



Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

Nap Time

It's with mixed feelings I read about this incident.

Unless you're employed as a test subject in a sleep study, there are very few instances where sleeping on the job is appropriate.

Unfortunately the arcane rules regarding sleep/fatigue/work schedules in aviation are notoriously bad throughout the field.

Fatigue is high on the National Transportation Safety Board's (NTSB) list to reduce fatalities in aviation.

It is cited by the NTSB as a probable cause in the plane crash a few years ago in Buffalo.

Think it's an isolated incident?

Not at all.

A few years back a flight crew fell asleep while inbound to Denver International Airport.

I could write a book on fatigue and air traffic control.

I'm not going to do that.

All y'all have to do is type air traffic control fatigue into the search engine of your choice, and you'll see the Internet is littered with articles on the topic.

Take my work schedule the last couple of years before I retired. Management decided that everybody, in the interest of maintaining proficiency on the entire operation, had to work midnight shifts. Prior to that, we had a crew of volunteers that worked the majority of the midnight shifts.

Why?

Fatigue.

They had to work one day shift and four midnight shifts. Why not five midnight shifts and not have any quick turn arounds? Management made a litany of excuses, but the basic reason was to remind the Union (National Air Traffic Controllers Association) that they were in charge.

Still, to the volunteers, the one turn around was worth not having to work five different shifts in a week. Five shifts that "backed up" on one another.

"Backed up" you ask?

Yeah.

Here's what my average weekly work schedule looked like:

Day 1: Either a 5:00 pm - 1:00 am or a 3:00 pm - 11:00 pm shift.

Day 2: Either a 2:00 pm - 10:00 pm or a 1:00 pm - 9:00 pm shift.

Day 3: Either a 10:00 am - 6:00 pm or a 7:00 am - 3:00 pm shift.

Day 4: 5:45 am - 1:45 pm shift.

Day 5: 10:00 pm - 6:00 am shift.

I was convinced that Circadian rhythm was just some far fetched concept.

Now, try doing that for 25 years. The ranks of FAA management is full of folks that were desperate to get away from that environment. It also has a large share of folks who weren't necessarily adept at separating airplanes, but were good enough to get by at some point.

Now, I don't know what happened in the control tower at Washington's National Airport that night.

I do know that it was not a rank and file Air Traffic Control Specialist.

It was a Supervisory Air Traffic Control Specialist, a "Front Line Manager" as they call them now.

The difference?

Air Traffic Control Specialists work the burden of the traffic inbound and outbound, day in, day out.

Front Line Managers, or "Flems" as they are lovingly *gag* called by the Controllers, oversee the general operation, answer phones, and in most cases do the basic minimum to maintain some semblance of currency working airplanes.

They have to work on control positions for 16 hours per month.

It is usually on periods of light to zero traffic.

It makes no difference if they don't talk to a single airplane. The FAA is just looking for them to check a box saying they have 16 hours a month "on position".

So what was a "Flem" doing working a one man midnight shift at Washington National Airport?

It's the end of the month. Dollar on a dime bet he needed to get time towards his "currency".

Washington National Airport has restricted use during the overnight/early morning hours. Like most airports, save the cargo hubs like Memphis International, Indianapolis, Newark (FedEx) and Louisville (UPS), Washington National Airport is not busy. The radar functions are run by a another facility, so all they are basically concerned with are departures and arrivals in and out of their airport.

The FAA's position is the cost of two or more Air Traffic Control Specialists is unjustified.

At least until there's a great big wreck.

Lexington Tower was staffed by one controller. One man working all the tower functions with all the radar functions combined on that one position.

Go to the FAA's website and download the air traffic control tapes for yourself.

Type "Tombstone Agency" into the search engine of your choice.

Surprised to see what comes up?

I'm not.

Not at all.

Now then, back to our sleepy boy in Washington, DC. The FAA's "table of penalties" is pretty clear.

Click here and scroll down to infraction #15 on page two.

In my opinion he's guilty of the same infraction two times.

Why?

The American Airlines aircraft aborted the first approach after they could not raise the Front Line Manager on their first landing attempt. Subsequently, a United Airlines jet opted to land without a clearance.

Two separate incidents from a member of management.

My resolution?

Fire him. After all, it's right there in the FAA directives.

Secondly, find out all the towers staffing one person in the towers and fire any and all managers responsible for this being a continuing trend.

This should have never been an issue again after the tragedy in Lexington, Kentucky.

Unfortunately, it is.

Just another day in the "Tombstone Agency".

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

Innovations In St. Patrick's Day Gear

This dog has nothing to do with St. Patrick's day you say?

You're wrong for a couple reasons.

One, by virtue of being his a St. Bernard he has a distant and quite tangential connection to the day.

Two, he's packing his own holiday spirits in the traditional fashion. Well, his traditional fashion anyway.

He was having a good time sunning himself as his owner's dined on the patio at the Majestic Grille here in downtown.

Otto, Clay, and I were headed out of the restaurant. I caught up with them for lunch. I had the corned beef sandwich, Clay the tomato/basil flatbread, and Otto the Shepard's Pie. I had an order of the Shepard's Pie earlier in the week. It's outstanding.

Seeing as how it was St. Patrick's Day, we decided to head over to the Flying Saucer. That decision should surprise nobody. As a group, the downtown gang is likely a line item on their annual report.

It wasn't our intent to celebrate the entire St. Patrick's Day holiday there. However, they have lots of good beers to choose from, lots of big windows they can open up on the patio, and a really attractive wait staff.

The problem with drinking beer is that it CAN affect your balance. At least I've been told, anyway. The winds were blowing briskly. The three of us surmised that between the two, one of us could be in danger of getting wobbly. As we watched Roscoe, the day manager at the Saucer, try to corral a runaway balloon, Clay had an epiphany. He grabbed a balloon and then grabbed Otto's baseball cap.

It takes a brave man to volunteer to be a test pilot.

It takes a drunk guy to accept a suicide mission after it's thrust on him.


Otto, testing out the "Thompson Balloonance System".

"Balloonance" is the combination of "balloon" and "balance".

My contribution to this potentially life saving device.

Just another of the many reasons I'm not cut out for marketing.


It wasn't without it's scary moments. We almost lost Otto in the initial moments of testing.


Within a few moments, Otto had pretty much mastered it.

Seeing as how wind tunnel testing had gone so well in the Saucer, we headed out to Beale Street for the annual "Raising of the Goat" at Silky O'Sullivan's.

Besides, the only proper test would be to take it out and wring it out, out in the big world.


The "Passing Car Turbulence" test went extremely well.


As did the "Opposite Direction Bus" test.

At this point we started the sojourn down to Beale Street.

NOTE: Due to upload speeds here at the Majestic, the testing videos of the "Thompson Balloonance System" will appear at a later date.


Otto enjoying the "righteous" feeling of unrestricted balance.


A moment of "balance Zen".


A moment of terror for Clay, just some more balance for Otto.


Otto, ever the consummate professional, increased the load by another 32 ounces of Guinness.

Good "Test Pilots/Appointed Volunteers" know when to say "when".

It just depends on your definition of "when".


A few moments later, Otto took it to the wall.

Not "The Wall" like in "POC Tests". He sat down on the wall in front of Silky's to test out how well the "Thompson Balloonance System" worked in conjunction with sending "Tweets" and checking email.

All tests satisfactory.

It was working like a dream.

Pretty soon, it was time to "Raise the Goat".


Think it looks scary here?


Now that's one mangy stuffed goat.

With the goat successfully lifted up by the traffic light, there was little left to do but go into the patio and drink more beer.


Otto, showing off his mastery of the "Thompson Balloonance System" to Captain Carl and friends.

I'm pretty sure Captain Carl was jealous.

Pretty soon it was time to move on.

Otto went to Max's to play NTN poker and trivia.

Clay, Paully (who had met up with us at Silky's patio), and I went to Kooky Canuck, followed by the Silly Goose.

We were lucky enough to run into the "Nuh-Uh Girl", our friend Rebecca.


Paul and the "Nuh-Uh Girl".

As much as Paul teases her, they really are friends.

Almost time for the University of Memphis to take on the University of Arizona.

It's gonna be a war for our guys. Hope their up to the task.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

Greetings, Albeit Belated, From Memphis

On Sunday afternoon, sometime around 2:30 in the afternoon, I put the "Me" back into Memphis.

It was a long drive over two days with a rest stop in Asheville, NC Saturday night. Asheville has a lot of things going for it that make it a terriffic rest stop:

1) It's Asheville.

2) It has a reasonably priced hotel just off the main area of downtown.

3) That hotel is 1/2 block from Jack Of The Wood Celtic restaurant and bar. Well prepared, reasonably priced food in a comfortable setting, WITH live but not overpoweringly loud music can not be overrated after a long days drive.

4) It's about halfway between Memphis and South Jersey.

5) Again, it's Asheville.

So I pulled into town on Sunday afternoon. I didn't even go to the condo. After all, the gang and I call it "Sunday FunDay" for very good reasons.

I immediately walked around the corner to the Flying Saucer. As is our habit, the gang was relaxing on the sofa and chairs nearest the pool table. As is their habit, the gang greeted me with handshakes, hugs, and kisses.

Who don't love to get loved on after a long drive?

I stayed there for about three hours catching up on some of the things I'd missed. The beef jerky and ham biscuit I called breakfast had worn off. Food was in order. That meant a stop at the Majestic Grille around the corner on Main Street. Once upon a time, it was a movie theatre. That time was back in 1913. The architecture is fantastic and the food is superior to that. I celebrated my return with a perfectly prepared 8 ounce filet, a side of blue cheese/balsamic vinegar reduction sauce, the Parmesan cheese dusted french fries, and one of Lisa's (my favorite bartender/cool chick/all around good egg) famous fresh strawberry/fresh basil martinis.

I don't have the words to describe just how good that drink is. All I can tell you is come to Memphis, come to the Majestic Grille on an evening Lisa is working, and order one.

The martini is THAT good.

Seriously.

I spent both Monday and Tuesday doing more of the same. Catching up with friends, dining at the Majestic Grille (yesterday's Cream of Chicken and Artichoke Soup was off the hook!), and relaxing.

It's really nice to be back, if only for a few weeks.

I almost didn't make it.

Christine, you might want to skip over this part.

*takes a deep breath*

Okay, here we go.

Have you ever sung the song, "She Was Comin' 'Round the Mountain Doing 90"? It's a parody sung to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain When She Comes".

"She was comin' 'round the mountain doin' 90,
when the chain on her motorcycle broke.
She was layin' in the grass,
with the muffler up her ass,
and her tits were playing Dixie on the spokes."

Well, I was driving high atop the Smoky Mountains. Eventually, the mountain ended. I was doing around 80 miles per hour.


A happier moment later in the trip. The "AirTrafficMobile" at 111,111 miles. Note the speed.

Suddenly, without my notice, a valley broke out. I had one of those, "Gee, what happened to the last five miles?" moments that occasionally come over all drivers. Well, the next thing I noticed was the cars in the right lane were going by my right window seemingly in reverse.

It seemed like a good time to size up what was going on.

The needle on the "AirTrafficMobile" was crossing the 95 mph tick on my speedometer. On a humorous note, as I looked back up to the windshield, a left turn of about 110 degrees was coming up to meet me. Past the guardrail was a really scenic view of the valley. More of which I would get to see if I didn't complete the turn.

I'm a big fan of scenic views.

Just not while plummeting off a cliff in my truck.

I stepped hard on my brake pedal.

Blessed are those who have anti-lock braking systems.

Myself included.

I'm here to tell you that "stomp and steer" works very well.

I was well clear of the other cars. I jammed on the brake pedal. Even while hauling major ass downhill, I had a good line to steer so as to "widen out" the turn. Approximately 100 yards after the left turn, was about a 100 degree turn to the right. It had no "scenic view", unless you consider a sheer wall of rock scenic. The road was still a downhill run and I was still doing about 85 miles per hour courtesy of the 5 degree grade of the road and my wishing not to set my brakes on fire.

Unfortunately, I'd have to call on the brakes one more time.

Fortunately, again, I was well clear of any traffic.

I got on the brakes hard again just after I passed the sign saying "Speed Limit 45 MPH" showing the silhouette of a tractor trailer overturning on it.

Once again I had the room to "widen out" the turn.

By the way, those rumble strips are really loud at 85 mph and above.

I was greeted by a long straight stretch of road and the entrance to a rest area.

I hit the rest area exit around 70mph.

There were some cars in the car parking lot.

The tractor trailer lot to the right was empty.

I took careful aim for the tractor trailer lot.

With a few feet to spare, I got the "AirTrafficMobile" stopped in the slot furthest away from the buildings housing the rest rooms and vending machines. As I walked back to them i thought to myself, "Wow, they sure seemed a lot closer on the way in.".

A car pulled into the car parking lot. A little old man got out. We got up to the building about the same time. I held the door open for the old boy. He looked at me, got a little grin, and said, "Damn son, that was some ride you were on.". I sort of grinned back and said, "I owe it all to gravity and a lack of attention.".

I took a few moments to collect myself, availed myself of the bathroom facilities, and grabbed a couple of Diet Cokes.

The Cumberland Plateau was still ahead of me.

I wasn't sure if I had enough brakes left for a repeat performance.

At this time I'd like to thank Dave Burden, a friend of mine in college, for all the driving pointers he gave me in college.

Dave, if I hadn't gone to the Bryar Motorsports park with you and on those various road rallies, I'd probably be playing "fetch" with Mackie right now. Thanks.

You can keep up with the adventures of Dave and his son Anthony at their Facebook page, ERM Racing.

"ERM" stands for "Exit Ramp Mania". Dave's motto in college was based on the speed limit signs on the exit ramps. "Double it (the speed) and add five (mph) and THAT'S when it gets fun>"

Christine, you can resume reading sweetheart.

Today I'm doing some more relaxing and getting some good walking in. I average around five miles per day when I'm here in downtown. The river is running high, the Sun is out, and it's a perfect 60 degrees outside.

A bit later on I'm going to check in with my late brother Bruce's widow and check on Sis. She's got it sort of busy right now. Her daughter is expecting their first grandchild in July, and her son is in Japan. He was there for the earthquake, on business working on the USS George Washington when it hit.

Sis, I love you and will talk to you later this afternoon.

In the meantime, it's time for me to hit the "Publish Post" button and finish my delicious bowl of chili here at the Majestic Grille.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

On The Road Again.....Again

I had hoped to depart for Memphis today. At least that was my plan.

Travelling in the late Winter/early Spring can be a daunting task. As much as you can control certain aspects of the trip (roads used, hours travelled, lodging, meals, etc....) it's the uncontrollables that control the trip.

The biggest uncontrollable is the weather.

Yesterday's rains were bad here. Driving rains, poor visibility, and gusty winds would have been enough to keep me off the road. The forecast called for those conditions ending around 1:00 am EST.

The forecast proved just about right. I heard some wind gusts around 1:30 am and some rain falling around 3:30 am.

That's not what's keeping me off the road for one more day. The weather forecast called for snow/icy conditions at both my main and alternate driving routes' halfway stopping points. It's one thing to start off in those conditions and reach nice driving conditions shortly thereafter. It's completely another thing driving all day, then into those sort of driving conditions.

It's asking for trouble.

The weather has both cities in the 60's tomorrow with sunny skies. A good early start out of here will have me in my primary stop by between 4:00 and 5:00 pm. That's plenty of travel for one day and leaves me in a perfect spot to be well rested for the trip into Memphis on Sunday. Since I'm driving from Eastern Standard Time into what will be Central Daylight Time, I get the added bonus of not having to set my clocks forward.

Wow, someone call Charlie Sheen. He's not the only guy who's "Winning".

With any luck, I'll make it into Memphis in time to at least see the gang at the Flying Saucer for a "Sunday FunDay" beer and to catch up on the local news.

Sadly, I got the news yesterday that us Memphians lost a good friend to the community and a hero to the Saint Jude's children. John "Bad Dog" McCormack, mostly known for leading the "Wake Up Crew" on 103.7 FM "Rock 103" succumbed to complications from leukemia yesterday afternoon. Over the course of 20 years he helped raise millions of dollars for Saint Jude's Children's Hospital, in particular the Ronald McDonald House, with the annual "Radiothon".


That doesn't sound like the voice of a very sick man, does it.

This year's "Radiothon" was held February 10-11.

On February 12 "Bad Dog" got the news that his leukemia had come back.

"Bad Dog" was one of the good guys.

He'll be sorely missed by the city he loved and the one that loved him right back.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

The End Of The World........Again

The first time I heard of this, Christine and I were on our way to adopt "Billy" from the SPCA.

I spied up a large, bright yellow sign on the side of the road announcing the end of the world, conveniently timed for May 21, 2011. A group calling itself www.FamilyRadio.com had taken the time to bring us the "good news".

"Wow.", I thought to myself, "It's time for another "end of the world" movement."

The I thought to myself, "Sweet!!!!!".

"End of the world" movements are not new. As long as man has believed in any "higher power" of any sort, there has always been someone in the crowd that has the inside word on when God/the Gods/Aliens/a meteor/the good old Earth itself was going to wipe out the planet and it's inhabitants.

Remarkably, the message always seems to reach some guy or group who's too busy dying to be bothered by living.

The one that comes to my mind right away is the "Heaven's Gate" cult back in the late 1990's. They believed that the Earth and it's inhabitants were going to be "recycled".

Another hallmark of the "doomsday" group. If you follow them, you'll be saved.

Like so many before them, the "Heaven's Gate" folks took it upon themselves to end their lives in preparation for the new life ahead of them.

Like all those before them, that life was an eternal dirt nap.

The "end of the world" groups all have minor variations on their themes. Where "Heaven's Gate" believed in alien masters of the universe, the www.familyradio.com folks believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the word of the Bible.

There have been many previous dates set for the end of the world. See them here. Notice that it's not a solely Jude-Christian crowd.

For the record, I'm not picking on any one religious group.

I'm picking on them all.

Why?

Simple.

I abhor people that stir others into a frenzy using their insecurities and fears as fuel.

For many, the "word of God" is just such a fuel.

The Bible has been alternately described as "The inspired work of God" as portrayed on www.youtopian.com and as hearsay by yours truly.

I'm a bit of a skeptic with the revisions to the Bible.

I put it in the same category as "Pass A Secret". "Pass A Secret" is the game in which a phrase is whispered to the first kid in a class and then "repeated" until it reaches the last kid in the class.

Usually, an innocuous phrase such as, "My dog is a collie with long brown fur." ends up as, "Tommy's knocked up your older sister.".

It may very well be "the inspired word of God", but it was repeated verbally by man for a long, long time.

There's a high probability that a line or two is out of it's original context.

So then, www.familyradio.com says May 21, 2011 is the end of the world and the Bible guarantees it?

*click here for their webpage* *click here for a .pdf file of the same*

I have my own guarantee.

See all y'all on May 22, 2011.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air traffic Mike, ret.

The Weekend

Well, it's my last full weekend in Jersey for a couple of months.

Gotta get back to Memphis for a bit to take care of my taxes, check in on the AirTraffic Mansion, and take in a couple of the Spring festivals.

The one festival I won't make it to is the entire "Memphis In May" celebration. "Relay For Life" in Chesapeake, VA is in the first full weekend in May. It would be a tremendous amount of driving if I stayed for the Beale Street Music Festival. It would require me to leave Memphis, drive to South Jersey, then drive down to Virginia, and back to New Jersey all inside of week.

I'm just not willing to gamble on that busy of a driving schedule.

However, it's not a total wash. The Southern Hot Wing Festival is square in my sights next month. It's one of my favorites. It reminds me of the BBQ Fest and Italian Fest before both got really big.

That's about all the dwelling I'm going to do about the upcoming trip this weekend. Christine and I still have a nice week ahead of us. She has some work stuff to tend to today. As for me, I'm making simple syrup as I type this.

What's the simple syrup for?

Limoncello.

Last month, while walking through the local Acme supermarket, I saw they had Meyer lemons on sale. Meyer lemons are an interesting creation. They come from lemon trees grafted with tangerine trees. The result is a really nice sweet/sour lemon of above average quality with good juicing traits.

I took six of the lemons, took the zest off them with a peeler, and infused one litre of Sobieski vodka with them for a month in the cool, dark recesses of the basement.

Typically, I infuse mine for 28 days.

If 28 days is good enough for "rehab", it should be good enough for infusing.

Note the difference between the two:


Plain vodka.


Lemon zest infused vodka.

There's a whole bunch of "happy" going on in the infused vodka. Almost all of the lemon oil from the zest has dissolved into it. Next, I'll strain the zest out. The simple syrup (equal parts cold water and sugar boiled and cooled) takes care of the rest. It gets mixed in at a 1:1 ratio. The mixture gets bottled up, placed in the freezer, and will be served as a digestif.

Tomorrow is supposed to rain, but that's no big deal. It's coming up on Spring, it's supposed to rain. Chris and I are headed over to Harry's Seafood Grille. Harry's is a fine substitute for a "Sunday FunDay" brunch, but given my druthers, I prefer The Majestic Grille in Memphis.

The Majestic Grille has a better brunch menu.

I can wait one more week.

Besides, I only have one more week with my Honey.

That is, until I get back in May.

8:15 am. Looks like it's time to get my day started.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

Newtering The Right

This could be a lot of fun.

Rumors have been circulating around the Internet and other media outlets about former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich running for President in 2012.

I couldn't be happier.

Seriously.

To me there's nothing funnier in politics than refurbished, rehashed candidates.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

One example would be Richard Milhouse Nixon. He was a rising star in the Republican Party when selected as Dwight Eisenhower's Vice Presidential running mate in 1952. He needed refurbishing only two months into the campaign when some of his fundraising/campaign spending came into question.

I doubt anyone could have defeated Ike no matter who he ran with.

Nixon served the country and his party well for eight years. The party felt he was well groomed to be President in 1960.

Unfortunately, politics discovered television in that race. John Kennedy was much more broadcast friendly than Nixon would ever be. Nixon may have had the credentials, but Kennedy had the media package. Nixon lost in a close race.

That wasn't nearly as crushing a loss to Nixon as losing the Governor of California race in 1962.

Vice President of the United States for eight years and the home folks don't think you can run one of the fifty states?

Ouch.

Mr. Nixon said it best: (right around at the 1:05 minute mark)


Nice way to say "Goodbye", but it wouldn't last.

Politicians have a character defect that makes them seek the limelight over and over and over again.

Gingrich was the Republican "Golden Boy" in the early 1990's. His running Jim Wright out of the House on ethics violations, his "Contract With America" and the "Republican Revolution" made him the hottest political commodity of his time.

Well, at least for a few years.

It seems good old Newt wasn't the guy he said he was.

He had 80+ ethics charges, of which only one was upheld. Unfortunately it was over using a tax exempt college course for political purposes. During the investigation he gave the investigators misleading and/or inaccurate information.

He was the first Speaker of the House to be disciplined for ethics violations.

Not a great "talking point" on a resume.

That's not Newt's only publicity problem.

While in office, he led the attack on President Bill Clinton's "alleged" affair with Monica Lewinsky.

I'm using the word "alleged" in a "tongue and cheek" fashion. It seems obvious that that's how Mr. Clinton and Ms. Lewinski liked it.

However, even as Gingrich was publicly criticizing President Clinton over the affair, Gingrich was having an affair of his own.

But it wasn't his first.

His first occurred in the late 1970's.

Oh yeah, and he was doing this while his wife was battling cancer.

He waited six months after the divorce was final to marry his illicit girlfriend in 1980.

By the mid 1990's, Newt's wandering eye apparently went out for a stroll. Pretty soon he was cheating on the girl he cheated with earlier in his life.

I can't imagine she was surprised.

He married cheating girlfriend #2/wife #3 in 2000.

By the way, Newt REALLY doesn't like talking about it in public.

Newt got a little testy here.

However, even magazines like Esquire aren't going to give him a break.

Imagine what the other Republican hopefuls are going to be saying.

2011 and 2012 were already going to be "Mud baths" for the Republican candidates.

Now Newt is dipping his toes in the water.

This promises to be interesting.

Coming soon, "Newt vs. the Tea Party".

Hopefully, the Tea Partiers will take time to research the last time the House Republicans shut down the government over the budget.

If they don't, they have plenty of time to do so beginning in a year and a half.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

1-800-BAD-IDEA Meets The Produce Stand

Humans love to tinker with things.

All things.

Mankind is always trying to see if the world around us can be made better.

Learning how to start and control fire led us out of the caves.

Noticing that round things moved easier than blocks led us to the wheel.

The wheel gave us greater mobility.

That mobility spread the masses out far away from the caves.

In the ensuing millennia, mobility continued to change. What didn't change was the wheel. No matter what it is made from, the basic premise remains the same.

It's round, therefore it rolls.

So what does this have to do with the title?

"Hey y'all, watch this!!!!!"
- - - Last four words of a Redneck before he dies. Author unknown

Sometimes you just can't improve upon perfection.

Like chicken.

Chicken is popular because it tastes like chicken.

It tastes so good that it is the benchmark by which a lot of other food's flavors are compared to it.

Just ask folks.

Every light meat fowl I've ever had tastes a lot like chicken.

But it's not just limited to fowl. A lot of other foods resemble it in flavor.

Alligator tail meat?

Tastes a lot like chicken.

Rattlesnake meat?

Tastes a lot like chicken.

Once upon a time, I purchased some marinated mystery meat on a stick from a street vendor in Washington Square Park in New York City. It smelled good. I asked the guy what it was. He mumbled something in a language best described as "Vendorstani", followed immediately by "Taaaarieeeee Dollah Yooou Essssssss!!!!!!!".

For three bucks I was willing to take a chance.

Walking over to a bench my curiosity got the best of me. I cradled my illegal street beer under one forearm, took my free hand, and attempted to tear a piece of the meat of the bamboo skewer.

It didn't budge.

Finally, after finding a relatively pigeon shit and junkie free bench, I set my illegal street beer down and turned my attention back to this strange marinated stick snack.

First, it was really aromatic. Curry, garlicky, smoky aromas filled the air. Using a now unencumbered right arm, I gave a full strength tug on the light flesh. A piece finally pulled free.

It looked like grilled chicken.

It felt like grilled chicken, except it had a disturbing rubbery texture.

I nonchalantly popped the piece of meat into my mouth.

That's when the six alarm fire broke out.

The more I chewed on this ever tougher piece of meat the bigger it seemed to get and the hotter my mouth got.

Sweat began pouring off my forehead.

My ears began ringing.

I couldn't feel my gums.

In what had to be mere seconds I felt compelled to make a statement. I meant to yell, "Damn that's spicy!", but it came out more like, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH..*cough* *cough* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!".

The gulp of beer I immediately took only served to push the pain down my throat.

It was like water on a grease fire.

I launched the remaining marinated mystery meat on a stick to sidewalk in front of me.

Not a single pigeon or squirrel would get near it.

For fear of vomiting or killing an innocent bystander, I opted not to spit out the morsel from Hell. In what seemed like an eternity I finally choked it down. Coughing and gagging I downed the remaining 28 ounces of my quart of illegal street beer.

It took a few minutes to gather my composure, my voice, and sanity back together. I saw another guy who had ordered the same thing. He seemed to be enjoying his.

I walked over and asked him if he knew what this skewer from Hell was. He told me it was usually chicken. The vendor was a friend of his and confided that today he was using meat from a stewing hen (old laying chicken that is processed after it's laying days are through) because it was cheaper.

That explained the texture and the toughness.

Even if, for once, chicken didn't taste like chicken, at least it was chicken.

That was a bad idea in poultry.

The phone call to "1-800-BAD-IDEA" was once again toll free.

Only this time, I was the caller.

The harnessing of fire and the discovery of the wheel had led to this little dark skinned man, selling fiery, spicy, oh so tough laying hen, and I to cross paths.

Bad ideas aren't limited to any one category in food.

I've run across countless bad ideas in food.

Blueberry Champagne is one of them.

Seriously.

Figures, it would have to be made here in New Jersey.

It's a shame really. I like both champagne and blueberries.

They just don't seem to get along well, at least according to my taste buds.

In some food groups, I think folks should leave well enough alone.

Like fruit.

Sure, there are hundreds, if not thousands of instances where human intervention has made new and exciting fruits.

Take the Tangelo for example. A United States Department of Agriculture employee is credited for inventing this in 1911. Seems he thought crossing a grapefruit tree with a tangerine tree might be a good idea.

Turns out he was right.

I love the things.

In fact, I bought a bag of them yesterday.

That turn into the produce section led me to what has to be one of the most God awful things I had ever seen or smelled.

Yet, for some reason (see "Redneck" quote above) I felt compelled to buy a container of these:


Grāpple®?

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Why in the cornbread Hell would anyone in their right mind think that this was a good idea.

Don't get me wrong, I love both good apples and grapes. The "Fuji" variety of apple that this company uses is one of my top favorites, trailing only the "Winesap" and "Granny Smith" varieties.

I picked up a container and gave it a whiff.

They aren't kidding about the "grape" part. I caught a huge nose hit of the scent.

I looked at the price, and against my better judgement, I made a quick phone call to "1-800-BAD-IDEA".

This morning I decided I'd give them a taste test, but only after I did some research.

I found their website. It has a page and video that explains how they do it. You can ignore the "USPP #7,824,723" (U.S. Patent Pending). It's now officially U.S. Patent No. 7,824,723 as of 2 Nov. 2010.

Patents don't necessarily mean something is good. It just means something is original.

I took an apple from the container.

It smelled like grapes.

I washed it. Now the apple and the paper towel I dried it with smelled like grapes.

The apple was firm to the touch. The "soaking" hadn't harmed that aspect in any way, shape, or form.

I took a deep breath and slowly bit into it.

Immediately, I wished I had the rest of that stewing hen on a stick back.

Try as I might not to have any preconceived ideas as to how it would taste, the aroma made that impossible.

I was expecting a mouthful of "happy".

What I got was a muddling of two usually great flavors. The "grape" flavor went away just enough to only interfere with the usually crisp tartness that "Fuji" apples are known for.

It was a big, juicy mouthful of dull.

Texture of a great apple with the flavor of old Kool Aid in my opinion.

Given the premium price, I sort of felt like I got graped yesterday.

However, that's what one should expect when they make the phone call to "1-800-BAD-IDEA".

Myself included.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.