Friday, May 18, 2012

Dog Daze

Let me begin by saying I'm fighting a miserable Spring head cold since Wednesday.

I actually felt it coming on Sunday night when my throat started getting that scratchy feeling. In keeping with my tradition of not wanting to go to the doctor until I'm on "Death's Doorstep" with one foot in and the other on a banana peel, I cancelled my scheduled 8:20 am appointment at my General Practitioner's office.

I can handle my own colds most of the time.

Besides, I knew by Monday morning that I'd have an "Over the Counter" medicine plan in place.

Monday went by and Tuesday came. Cousin Beth and I had made plans for lunch over at Harry's Seafood Grill in Wilmington, DE.

I figured that would be a good day to do so. I'm sure Christine had heard enough of us talking about the Walker family at the horse races on Saturday afternoon.

I'm holding off on doing a family blog until after Beth, my brother Kevin, our cousin Rick, and I get a chance to scan in some old family pictures and compare family notes.

Looks like at least a four part series at a minimum.

Suffice it to say Cousin Beth and I had a great time. We spent the better part of four hours talking family stuff and our personal histories.

More to follow on that at a later date.

Wednesday and yesterday I was down for the count. Bad sinuses, hacking cough, a touch of vertigo.....I was on a roll. Christine's sister called and wanted to know if she wanted to go to a New Jersey State Bar Association dinner being held last night. It was held at the Borgota Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City.

I was actually glad for her to go. I didn't want her catching my cold. Besides, when I'm sick I just want to be left alone.

Unfortunately, I wasn't alone.

I was here herding three Dachshunds and a "Chorkie".

They are actually pretty low maintenance as dogs go.

I'm not sure, but I don't think it is cheating if one times their dogs' "rest breaks" outside with taking one's medicine.

Today I feel a lot better. Not 100%, but not too bad. I think the sunny, 75F, and low humidity day has a lot to do with it.

To make it up to the dogs, I let them run around in the backyard for about 45 minutes.

What happened next was quite unexpected.

A Dachshund "Pose Down" war broke out.

"Butter" started it.

She fired off her tribute to Greta Garbo with her famous, "I vont to be aloooone." pose.

Butter went right to her "A" game.

Can't say as I blame her.

She knows from her days as a "Dog String Art" performer that starting off weak is a great way to finish out of the money.

"Mercedes" was not about to take that pose from "Butter" standing up.

She chimed in with her patented, "Sun Goddess" pose.

Now there was NO way "Billy" was going to let the out of town relative or the newcomer take HIS crown.

"Billy" took advantage of his exceptional good looks and came back with, "Smoldering Eyes".

I just sat down.

Nothing I could do.

It was "game on".

"Millie" asked "Butter" if she could join in the competition.

I'm not so sure it wasn't a set up, because "Butter" came right out with one of her more devastating moves.

A VERY sarcastic rendition of, "Laughing Hyena".

It was pointed out to "Millie" by "Butter" that you can not spell "Dachshund" using "Chorkie".

"Mercedes" was not happy with "Butter's" attitude towards "Millie".

"Millie" and "Mercedes" are very close in age. "Mercedes" had to stick up for her generation.

She took her revenge on "Butter" the only way she knew how.

"Dachshund Falls Off Building (See, We Really Don't Land On Our Feet)" was a show stopper.

"Butter" knew she'd just lost First Place, but her shock only intensified after "Billy" pulled off his next move.

"Billy" came back with an unexpected, "Dead Dog (Left 90 Degree)" combination Dachshund pose and "Dog String Art" move.

That's when "Butter's"  "Pose Down" world came crashing down around her.

Not only did she not win, she didn't even finish in the "Top Three".

Under the official rules of "Dachshund Pose Down":

Rule 19: Contest Awards
A). "When the field of competitors numbers two or three,  one winner shall be declared"
B). "When the field of competitors numbers four or five, one winner, one runner up, and one
        best in show shall be declared."
C). "When the field of competitors numbers six or more, one winner, one runner up, one 
        second runner up, and one best in show shall be declared.
D). "In the event of a tie, it shall be reconciled with a "Sudden Death Pose Off".
E). "All decisions of the judge(s) shall be irrevocable and final."

It was obvious that "Mercedes" had unseated "Billy" as Grand Champion.

It was obvious that "Billy's" last move had made him a very close second to "Mercedes".

What wasn't obvious to any of the three was that when I'm judging a "Dachshund Pose Down", I include all dogs present for the "Best in Show Award". That's my decision as judge and under "Rule 19E)." I am within my rights to do so. Under "Rule 19B)." that means the actual field of competitors is four for the purposes of judging.

Therefore, although I had to disqualify "Millie" from the "Pose Down" portion on the technicality that she's not a Dachshund, it did not mean I had to disqualify her for "Best In Show".

Dachshund Pose Down Official Results:

WINNER: "Mercedes"

RUNNER UP: "Billy"

BEST IN SHOW: "Splitty the Maul"

Best  In Show?  How you might ask?

Hey, any maul that can whip up a perfect, mesquite wood, smoked picnic shoulder deserves some sort of award.

I think we're going to have a good old Memphis BBQ salad for dinner tonight and just take it easy.

Until the next time, all y'all take care of yourselves.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.

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