Memphis Delayed

"It's called *GO FEVER*. Don't catch it"

It's true.

For many reasons.

One, I'll leave private. I know that's unusual for me to do so. However, I've opted at this time to maintain it as such.

The other two reasons are as follows:

1.) I have off and on over the course of my life suffered from Meniere's Disease. It causes me to have bouts of extreme dizziness(vertigo). If you have never suffered vertigo, imagine a drunk person walking down a  running conveyor belt and the belt mechanism is spinning on a horizontal axis.

     On my worst bout, in 1995, I was pretty much bedridden for two and a half weeks. I was reduced to crawling on my hands and knees to get to the toilet and the bathtub.

     I'm not comfortable attempting a drive to Memphis at this time. Today it has subsided a bit. Tomorrow it could flare right back up to the point I'm bedridden.

2.) It's currently 100F outside with thunderstorms predicted for Monday and Tuesday. Tornadoes were associated with the storms as they crossed Tennessee.

     Add the vertigo and the bad weather together and it just seems like a really bad idea to me.

In other news, I was reminded why the phrase, "Paybacks are a b*tch.".

There's a whole range of incidents where people (mostly us guys) reassign blame. Lots of folks don't like to fess up.

Dishing off the blame can be quite humorous in many cases.

Especially if the "victim's identity" is in itself slightly absurd, but entirely plausible.

For example:


In grade school, what was the default answer to your teacher's question, "Where's you homework?"


"I'm sorry Miss Schwantz, my dog ate it."


Yes folks, "the dog" takes the fall for a lot of stuff.


Knock over the trashcan in the kitchen while horsing with your brother?


Sorry "Rusty", this ones on you.


Little brother makes a sandwich, puts it on the table, leaves for a moment, and comes back only to find his empty plate wet on the floor?


"Gee Gary, looks like "Rusty" got a hold of it."*


*note: Make sure you leave the dog a small corner of sandwich on the plate as you drop it to the floor.


So you're asking, "ATM, how in the cornbread Hell does this apply to paybacks?


Well, like always I told you that story to tell you this one.


I have a shameful habit of blaming my passing gas on our dog, "Billy".

"BILLY"

I'm not the first fellow to do this. 

Just the latest.

Besides, sometimes it's actually him.

That's where the payback came in.

The other day I was pretty much stuck in bed with the bout of vertigo. "Billy" has a habit of laying on my immediate left side, tail end curled up under my armpit, with his head facing my feet.

Christine was getting ready for work.

I had gas to pass.

I thought, "Perfect, "Billy's" in position.  Here we go."

Off it went, a perfect "Motor Boat" poot.

Before Christine could say anything I piped up, "Bad dog!!!!!!!".

I did feel bad for "Billy". The sheet was over his head.

It wasn't a minute after Christine got out the door that "Billy" got his revenge.

The little bastard farted into my (at that point) two days unwashed left arm pit.

The words have yet to be created to describe that smell.

I wanted to throw up, but I hadn't eaten in two days. Vertigo also makes eating difficult. It's like having permanent motion sickness.

So to recap:

- I'm staying put for a bit.

- Always blame the dog.

-Paybacks are still a b*tch.

-Sometimes the dog gets even.

I have news for tomorrow's blog. For anyone who is a real fan of the space program, aviation, autographs, and history.

It's a really good story and for a really good cause.

Until the next time, all y'all retire.

Air Traffic Mike, ret.